The Terrible (?) Twenties

Until today I had almost forgotten I had a blog... I just made a goal the other day to start journaling more (both prayer journal and life journal), and I just rediscovered the indispensable timelessness of the world of blogs... coincidence? Maybe not! :)

Lately I have felt so disenchanted with life. Yet, I have been doing incredible things, just like I've always wanted to! I finished a triathlon (granted, a sprint), I've traveled on my own, studied abroad in Costa Rica for a whole summer and had real conversations in Spanish, I got into nursing school at UCCS, I live in a house with four other college girls and stay up late every night. What have I been missing? I guess only God truly holds the key to that door, but I have an inkling. Re-reading my past few blogs, I remember the passion I had when God first brought me to UCCS and theFurnace. It was such an exciting time --- trying to figure it all out. God. Me. The future.  The meaning of life. Boys. I remember having secret quiet times, just hiking the bluffs to catch the sunrise and spend time in worship. Where did that passion and intrigue fly off to? Have I forgotten the mystery of living in hot pursuit of you, Lord? I want that back.

The past few months this growing restlessness has been taking over me. I feel stifled and almost smothered because of it -- nothing is quit satisfying. I need creativity back in my life. I need new discoveries. I think I'm beginning to truly start to delve into the meaning of trying to live life to the fullest, and that I only have one chance at that. Perhaps, walls are breaking down of ideals I once had of the image I wanted and thought my life should reflect, pushing me to search out other avenues and that those paths too can be an adventure and just as meaningful.

I need creativity. I need fellowship back in my life. I need prayer back in my life! I need challenging goals to pursue again, and I need to start finding joy again in the littlest things (like candles and Jack Johnson and white coffee mugs). I need music, and I need beauty. Above all Jesus, I need you. I am so prone to losing the intimacy I long for with you, but I know you are always there, patiently waiting for me to look up. Once again, teach me to find myself in You.

---Inspiration: Captivating by Stasi Eldredge ---